In part six, Erin discussed what Dr. Ortiz refers to as “life changing events: the last to know” and “setbacks.” I am going to write about these separately, because I have a lot to say.
First– setbacks.
“Setbacks in professional sports may include injuries (i.e., severe or chronic), getting cut from the team, getting traded from one team to another (particularly if the new team is not a winner), and early (or forced) retirement. Setbacks in her husband’s career can be particularly stressful for a wife, and they are difficult to cope with because serious setbacks may signify the end of his career.“
Professional athletics is full of set-backs, no matter what the sport. Athletes wait longer than expected for a contract, do not sign in the league they think they belong (i.e. NBA versus Spain versus Japan, etc), and are injured at inopportune times. I want to focus on three areas that have greatly impacted our family– injuries, mid-season changes, and waiting a LONG time for a contract. Primarily, these have happened during different stages of Kevin’s career, but I am going to focus on what it is like to deal with these things in our current “lifestyle.” In other words, what is it like when Kevin suffers a set back while I am thousands of miles away.
Injuries
This is a case where I am often times the last person to know, but I will deal with that in a separate post.
Finding out Kevin is injured while I am thousands of miles away presents a unique challenge and range of emotions. Last week brought many of them straight back to the forefront of my mind!
I cannot see him to access how well he is or is not doing. I cannot hear myself what the doctor is saying. I cannot aid in his recovery really in much of any way. As a wife, that is stressful for me. I want to help my husband. I want him to recover as quickly as possible. I want to see for myself how his recovery is going. Instead, I must trust and rely on Kevin to tell me what is going on and trust that he is doing what he needs to do. I also must trust that the team is not forcing Kevin to play injured or having their doctor say there is nothing wrong when something is wrong. Some might say this is no different than any other point in the season, but during periods of injury, it is more important not to bother Kevin regarding his injury.
Beyond the injury, there are the logistical issues that we must deal with while apart. International teams are well known for their ability to cut a person on a whim and desire to withhold payment for any reason they desire. Sure, we can sue or go through arbitration, but it takes a lot of time and money. While we are in a good situation, it can be stressful to think that half of Kevin’s salary could be at risk! Fortunately, this years team has been pretty good.
Mid-Season Team Changes
Changing teams mid-season was one of the first experiences we had once we decided that I would stay in the U.S. It turned out to be an incredible blessing for me to be employed, because we had a little more time for Kevin to find a job. When a player gets cut, generally one of two things have happened– the player realizes the situation is not good for him or the team has decided the player does not fit. In some cases, they agree. In some they do not. In some cases, this “cut” is the result of an injury.
For me, the most stressful part of mid-season changes is trying to figure out how to plan. I am a planner. I get paid to plan, and it is a hard button to turn off! Do I make arrangements for someone to take The Boy while I travel for work or will Kevin be here? Will he have a job next month or not? Will he be home this week or not?
OK, that might be the second most stressful part. The first part is the wondering. Why did his minutes suddenly drop or what is going on that he is not fitting in?
In both cases, I have learned there is nothing that I can do to change the situation. I am not even in the same country to give him a hug!
Setbacks are hard. I will not lie. Even when you have a great support system, setbacks present challenges and emotions that I am not always ready to deal with. The injury of last week could have meant the end of Kevin’s career. The LONG wait last summer/fall should have been enjoyable, but instead it was stressful. It could have been the end of his career. However I have learned one thing in the past year that I believe will serve me well as a basketball wife– not only am I not in control, unable to predict the end of Kevin’s career, but the best thing I can do is manage my stress efficiently and effectively. Yes, sometimes that means that I spend time alone, read, or lose myself in my work, but those times are becoming fewer and farer in between. Instead of overbounding stress, I manage what I can and leave the rest at Jesus’ feet. I also have learned better how to encourage Kevin from afar, trust his tone of voice, and offer to help him however I can from the other side of the pond.
Next time… being the last to know!
